The journey of Amiah Grace - 40 weeks till birth

Part 2 - The Birth 

(part 1 see here)

Tammie is here, I cannot express how relieved I am to have her here with me. This birth is just going to be be amazing. We just need this baby to come. Lets plan. lets keep busy surely babies like to ruin your plans coming at the most inconvenient times. We shop even go to the next town a whole hour away, we go to the library and Tammie cleans she just keeps cleaning. At first I feel terrible, I didn't ask her to come wanting her to clean my house. I hope she doesn't think that is what I have done. Then I am told some wise words. I realise she is just trying to help me and support me, it is what she wants to do, she wouldn't do it otherwise (I hope these wise words were true).

41 weeks. This is OK, I can do 41 weeks. Tammie is here another week. Immali was born 41+3. But the niggles are there, what am I going to do if she doesn't come. Will I really need an induction, surely I don't babies come when they are ready, 40 weeks is an average not a norm. 40 weeks is not the normal. Normal for me is whenever Ukpik decides to come. I rest in that peace for now. We have a lovely week together. I am growing huge, everything is getting hard. I cannot sleep I cannot sit I cannot walk much. I just plain hurt. I am so very thankful Tammie is here helping keep my house running. I truly hope she doesn't think I am taking advantage of her. She is an absolute blessing.

I am 42 weeks, what am I going to do. Tammie is going home. She cannot stay. I cannot ask her to stay. I want so badly to ask her to stay. But her family misses her, they need her, they now need her more than I do. 2 weeks is a long time for a mumma to be away from her family. I give her my blessing to go, as much as it hurts I know it is the right thing to do. I try to write her a card so she knows how truly grateful I am that she came, How thankful I am for everything she has done. I am not sure I wrote it well. I hope I did. She leaves, I cry.

I sit in my very clean house. I decide I can still do this. God will be with me. I pray almost constantly that my other friend Lusi will be able to come to the birth. I am stressed she will not make it. And then what will I do if I have to transfer, there will be no one to watch the kids. What will I do.....

God reminds me I almost felt him screaming at me, shut up and listen to me. Trust me please just trust me, I have put you here right where I want you. Trust me, have faith, all will be as it should be. Listen to your song. And I did I listened over and over and over. I wiped all other songs off the ipod and stuck 'Speak, O Lord' on repeat.

42 weeks plus 2. 1:30 am. I wake to a sensation, what is that, what could it be. CRAP my waters broke. There's no towel, why oh why am I not sleeping on a towel I am 42 weeks pregnant what on earth did I think was going to happen. I leap, if you have never seen a 42 week pregnant lady leap out of bed, you probably never will. It is a physically impossible myth. Yet somehow with the cot side-carred, I leaped off the end of the bed. Not one drop of fluid on the bed, not one single one. I am the pregnant ninja woo cha.

I leap, run, waddle. Yes a combo of all 3, try to imagine it. I can't I have no idea how I got to the bathroom before my waters exploded into the toilet. I then spent the next hour sitting in the bathroom with a little fan heater going. Happily keeping Lisa awake so I have someone to chat too, it was so special having her part of the birth even if she was 5 hours away. I wished there was a way to transport her to me. The contractions slowly kicked in and built up. It was time to wake Damo. It was time, it was really time, I was going to meet Ukpik.

I lent over to kiss Damo awake my dreads tickled his face and he woke thinking he was being attacked. Was rather funny for me, I literally wet myself laughing. Been some time since I have been able to scare him so badly. Once he recovered from the shock he got to work setting up and filling the pool for me. He did a great job and it was full in no time.

It is time to call Lusi. I ring her mobile, I ring it again, wake up Lusi I quietly scream as the phone rings. I ring again, no answer. Time to ring the home phone and wake up her 5 kids. Still no answer. Seriously Lusi are you sleeping in earmuffs. The answer machine kicks in, I leave a message along the lines of get your arse out of bed, this baby is coming. Lusi should never camp with me, now I know how deeply she sleeps, oh the tricks I could play.

It was hard to get into my space and also decide if the pool was hot enough, full enough, oh no its too cold now. I was busy contracting while Damo waited for me to give the ok, but he left the cold water running. I didn't know. He tries to top it up but the pump, that pumps the water from the hot water system is busted. It broke during the first fill. He buckets in what he can till it is just warm enough to get in.

4:33am I get into the pool it was great. It didn't give me the space to retreat into myself as much as it did last time. But the movement in the water was lovely. Lusi took over the hot water job, and kept adding kettle after kettle of water till it was hot enough. Every time the water sloshed in it pulled me out of my space. There was no other option that is just what had to be. A full hour she did this till at 5:35am I give her the evil eye to stop.

The next stage just seemed to drag on and on, I could not stop myself fighting the contractions and fighting transition. I knew I had to just relax and allow it all to happen. The fear hit, fear I didn't know I had, what am I doing, I'm nuts. Please someone tell me it's ok, someone say something, remind me I can do this, remind me it will be over soon. I need someone to speak these words.

Then Igloo woke and wandered in, the offer of watching a movie before 6am was enough to send him running off. Within a minute of Igloo leaving the room I could feel the head ready to be born. He distracted me from my fears and gave me a sense of urgency, I didn't want the kids around, it is time to get this bubba out. It's time to let go and birth this wee bubba. Next contraction I tried not to push, just little pushes trying to let my body do it to try and prevent tearing. The contraction after I thought stuff this it hurts to freaking bad so pushed the head out with all I had. Another contraction and I tried to let my body do the work to birth the body. It didn't so with the next contraction and having had enough of the pain I pushed with whatever I had left and Ukpik was born at 5:50am. The transition that felt like 2 hours was really only 20 minutes.

As I pulled bub up I was sure I saw all the bits that made a boy. I almost announced it was a little boy but didn't. Lusi came running at the sound of crying and all three kids followed. I think Immali woke as Ukpik cried it was very special. Damo or Lusi asked if it was a boy or girl and I thought I would recheck. I looked everywhere for the sac and doddle I thought I had seen but it had fallen off and I had a little girl in my arms. I am not sure I have ever looked at my kids bits so closely. But I just had to be sure I was actually right this time. Lusi even managed to snap a pic of this moment.

I had some no bleed tea and some homeopathics and the placenta was born at 6:10am with the damn membranes once again trailing behind and getting caught in the cervix. Spent the next probably half hour working on extracting the membranes. I was so exhausted but I just kept on pushing and pulling and pushing and pulling and eventually they all popped out. They ripped a few times in the process and I was getting worried I wasn't going to have enough left to pull on. But as God promised it all came and and everything was fine just as it should be. 

I am not sure when we cut the cord, Igloo had the privelege this time. I tied the cord and then Igloo got to cut. He loved it, was such a special moment. I wish I had the thought at the time to get a photo. I had enough of the water, it was starting to get cold, it was icky, butj ust as I was trying to climb out she demanded to be fed. I complied but then got stuck in the pool feeding her for the next I think half hour. Before I had enough and took her off so I could get out and rinse off. We dressed her in her special new nappy and wrapped her in the blanket of love that all my friends made a piece of and spent the day snuggling. Was an all round lovely day. I shed a few tears for Tuktu, I was sad that Tammie was not there. But little Ukpik was perfectly chubby at 4.2kg. It is amazing how babies are born beaming love.

 Kids helping Damo pack away the pool

 First carry in Didymos AHI

She is 10 weeks old now and the song "Speak O Lord" is still our song. When she is especially grizzly I put the song on and sing. She calms down and sleeps. No other song works. It will forever and always have a special place in my heart.

The journey of Amiah Grace, conception to 40 weeks

Part 1 - The Pregnancy

 

 

 

It is November 2012, I get my first cycle since July 2010 after conceiving and birthing my beautiful Immali. It is a day we have been waiting for finally it might be time to add to our wonderful family. By mid December I knew, I just knew there was new life growing inside me. But I waited and on Christmas morning I rushed to the loo so I could pee on the stick with enough time to wrap it up and give it to hubby as his Christmas present. Can I tell you this is no easy task with 3 kids rushing from their bedrooms eager to open presents. I was so relieved and excited to find those double lines. A perfect Christmas gift from God. And it was I had to wait almost 2 weeks to see those beautiful double lines again.

We got through Christmas and new year. It was exciting. I don't think I waited to tell anyone this time. Then we started planning the birth. I contacted the closest midwife to us. I had met her when pregnant with Immali. I thought she would be perfect, she was just lovely last time I met her. But I thought it has been two years lets meet again. We chatted for a couple hours, talked about birth, talked about what I wanted, talked about what she wanted, talked about her fears. A knot grew in my stomach as the meeting progressed. When she left I just fell into a mess of tears. She didn't seem right for us personally. She was still lovely and wonderful, but I had changed. What was I going to do, there are no other options. There is no one else. I cried for days and days.

And so I am left pregnant and without a midwife. Life goes on as I decide what to do. I am sure that I am pregnant with twins. I feel connected to two little lives. My little Ukpik and Tuktu, yet I feel more strongly connected to one than the other. I announce that bubs name is Ukpik with no mention of Tuktu. I start planning for a holiday birth. My beautiful friend and midwife, will care for me through my pregnancy via Skype and be with me while I birth in someone elses house, someone elses space, in the unknown with 3 kids and no Damo. I was terrified and excited at the same time. I cannot express how excited I was to have Lisa with me while I birthed, it made me smile every time I thought about it. But I was scared, I was scared how I was going to cope, where I was going to stay, how I was going to get home with 4 kids on a 5 hour drive. The most precious friend in the world offered to leave her family for 2 weeks and come to be with me and help me while I was away. She truly is a gorgeous person. She has become my sister. With her there it seemed much more possible.

I decided to have an ultrasound. If there were two precious babies I needed to have the car kitted out before the birth and have everything I needed for two packed. Have a plan in place for all possiblilites.

About 2 days before the ultrasound, something was different. I no longer felt the need to say babies, I no longer felt Tuktu was there. My little boy had left me. I struggle to type this out now, but it needs to be spoken. People may not believe me, what proof have I got. But mothers intuition has got to count for something. And so I go off for the ulstrasound hoping I am wrong. getting them to accept my midwife referral was a task, but eventually we go in. There is one precious little bundle with one perfect heart beat. My little Ukpik is strong and healthy. We don't find out the sex but I am sure a little girl is waiting to meet me.

The fear and scare of birthing away from home continues to eat at me. I decide to research unnassited or freebirthing as an option. Could I really do this? What would I do if I bled, what would I do if.... there were so many if's that went through my mind. I need a doula. I will have my friend but a doula if I can get a doula I can do this. Yes I can this will be perfect, it will be amazing.

Doula 1, a number of life changes means she can no longer support me. I am totally crushed, just shattered. If I can't have my midwife then I need her I cannot do it without her. I cry for days. Then I am thankful for her honesty and love. She cared for me enough not to give it a go knowing full well she might fail. She gave me time to make the plans and prepare to birth without her. I will always be thankful for her honesty.

Doula 2, lets just say she scared me. She had never attended a homebirth and I was honestly scared she would not cope at an unnassisted birth.

Doula 3, mid July I am due 1st September, she seemed wonderful, perfect this was it problem solved. Plus she can encapsulate my placenta. However she decided that I didn't need enough support from her. She is not a babysitter, she felt my needs too menial.

34 weeks, no doula, no midwife to be with me. Do I go ahead with this plan. am I a crazy lunatic. No this is what I am suppose to do. I want to birth in my space, in my home, with my things, my shower, my toilet, my bed. I just cry and cry. Kierra was an amazing shoulder if she lived any closer she would need a raincoat.

I find peace I can do this. God whispers to me, I will be with you, I will hold your hand, I will guide your baby, trust me and everything will be just fine. 

I told very few people of my plans. I don't want to hear their fears. I don't want to take the risk of those becoming mine. I need a clear head and positive thoughts. I know what I am doing carries risks. But I have planned for them everything will be fine. The people I told were all very supportive, thank you to those who stood by me and put up with me. Lisa was my rock, through it all. She supported whatever decision I made, no matter how many times I changed my mind, she supported me and did everything she could from a distance. I seriously must have been driving her mental. I'm sure she wished she could reach through the phone and shake some sense into me. She has the patience of a saint to put up with me.

I become more and more pregnant as you do. Things are going well. I am seeing the hospitals antenatal clinic. Ukpik is strong and healthy, I am strong and healthy everything is going wonderfully. Braxton kicks start kicking in, it all starts getting very exciting. I talk to Ukpik each day. I tell her I cannot wait to meet her. I tell her I miss her brother and wish I could meet him. I tell her to stay put please stay put till my sister friend gets here. One day short of 40 weeks my beautiful sister Tammie turns up. She is here yay woohoo, once she has cleaned my house let this show get started. No honestly I didn't think that, I wanted things to kick in that night, I hadn't asked her to come wanting her to clean.

The night comes and goes no baby. I am 40 weeks.

Part 2 is here